Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Never Ready, Never Worthy

Last night, I went to Kuya Gary's office. There, I had the opportunity to ask him questions that haunts me every night. "When will I be ready?" "Am I Worthy?" Those questions were followed with his simple and striking answers. "We shall never be READY, we can only be PREPARED." "We shall never be WORTHY, but we can TRY." These words pondered to my mind that moment while he was doing his work.

I was sinful, no doubts about it. I have done grave actions to offend God, yet I thought my charity would suffice the emptiness and hurt in my part. A hypocrite! That is what I am. I feel sorry for hiding myself to the people who are dear to me I was afraid that they won’t accept me for who I am. I was afraid to be rejected. Now, I realized that I can’t please everyone, but because of these rejections I realized that I am able to love myself. I will never attain such point wherein I’ll be ready and be worthy of him, only I can try and prepare.

There is so much to do in such a span of time. I hope it’s not too late to start again.

5 comments:

isang.kaibigan said...

LOVE YOURSELF
(i hope this would help you)
10 Ways to Love Yourself

1) "Probably the most important key is to stop
criticizing yourself. If we tell ourselves that we are
okay, no matter what is going on, we can make
changes in our lives easily. It is when we make
ourselves bad that we have great difficulty. We all
change ----- everyone. Every day is a new day, and
we do things a little differently than we did the day
before. Our ability to adapt and flow with the
process of life is our power.
Those who have come from dysfunctional homes
often have become super-responsible and have
gotten in the habit of judging themselves
unmercifully. They have grown up amidst tension
and anxiety. The message they get as children of
dysfunctional homes is: "There must be something
wrong with me." Think for a moment about the
words you use when scolding yourself. Some of
the phrases people tell me are: stupid, bad boy,
bad girl, useless, careless, dumb, ugly, worthless,
sloppy, dirty, etc. Are these the same words you
use now when describing yourself?
There is a tremendous need to build self-worth and
value in ourselves, because when we feel not good
enough, we find ways to keep ourselves miserable.
We create illness or pain in our bodies; we
procrastinate about things that would benefit us;
we mistreat our bodies with food, alcohol, and
drugs.
We are all insecure in some ways because we are
human. Let us learn NOT to pretend that we are
perfect. Having to be perfect only puts immense
pressure on ourselves, & it prevents us from
looking at areas of our lives that need healing.
Instead, we could discover our creative
distinctions, our individualities, & appreciate
ourselves for the qualities that set us apart from
others. Each one of us has a unique role to play
on this earth, and when we are critical of
ourselves, we obscure it."

2) "We must also stop scaring ourselves. Many of
us terrorize ourselves with frightful thoughts &
make situations worse than they are. We take a
small problem and make it into a big monster. It's
a terrible way to live, always expecting the worst
out of life. Examples: Someone makes a remark at
work, and you begin to think you're going to be
fired. You build these paralyzing thoughts in your
mind. Remember, these frightening thoughts are
negative affirmations. OR, people who are ill often
visualize the worst or they are immediately
planning their funerals. OR, someone doesn't call
you immediately, and you decide that you are
totally unlovable and you'll never have another
relationship again, feeling abandoned and rejected.
If you find yourself habitually reviewing a negative
thought or situation in your mind, find an image of
something you really would like to replace it with.
It could be a beautiful view, or a sunset, or flowers,
a sport, or anything you love. Use that image as
your switch-to image every time you find that you
are scaring yourself. Say to yourself, "No, I'm not
going to think about that anymore. I'm going to
think about sunsets, roses, Paris, yachts or
waterfalls, or whatever your image is." If you keep
doing this, eventually you will break the habit."

3) "Another way is to be gentle and kind and
patient with yourself. Impatience is a resistance to
learning. We want the answers without learning the
lesson or doing the steps that are necessary.
Think of your mind as if it were a garden. If you
take loving care and attention to this garden, it
gradually keeps improving and will blossom. The
same with your mind --- you select the thoughts
that will nurtured, & with patience they grow and
contribute to creating the garden of experiences
you want."

4) "We must learn to be kind to our minds. Let's
not hate ourselves for having negative thoughts.
We can think of our thoughts as building us up
rather than beating us up. We don't have to blame
ourselves for negative experiences, but can learn
from these experiences. Being kind to ourselves
means we stop all blame, all guilt, all punishment,
and all pain. Relaxation is absolutely necessary for
tapping into the Power within, because if you are
tense & frightened, you shut off your energy. As
you become tense, take a few deep breaths, close
your eyes, and release whatever tension you are
carrying. As you exhale, become centered & say
to yourself silently: "I love you. All is Well." You
will then notice how much calmer you feel."

5) "The next step is to praise yourself. Criticism
breaks down the inner spirit, and praise builds it
up. When you berate yourself, you belittle the
Power that created you. Begin with little things."

6) "Loving yourself means supporting yourself.
Reach out to friends and allow them to help you.
You really are being strong when you ask for help
when you need it. Support groups can help, like 12
step-groups."

7) "Love your negatives. No matter what negative
situation you are in, it's there for a reason;
otherwise you wouldn't have it in your life."

8) "Take care of your body." Drug and alcohol
abuse, overeating, and smoking are just some of
the substances we take into our bodies to numb
out the pain, and deal with life better. But, the sad
fact is that it doesn't help make it better. Take care
of yourself, exercise regularly so your body can
help support you in whatever comes your way.

9) "I often emphasize the importance of mirror work
in order to find out the cause of an issue that
keeps us from loving ourselves. Try looking in the
mirror the first thing in the morning and say, "I love
you. What can I do for you today? How can I make
you happy?" Listen to your inner voice, and start
following through with what you hear. Then, if
something unpleasant happens to you during the
day, go to the mirror and say: "I love you anyway."
Affirmations performed in front of a mirror are
advantageous because you learn the truth of your
existence. When you do an affirmation and you
immediately hear a negative response such
as, "Who are you kidding? It can't be true. You
don't deserve that", that is a gift you can use. You
cannot make the changes you want until you are
willing to see what is holding you back. The
negative response you have just discovered is like
a gift in that it becomes the key to freedom. Turn
that negative response into a positive affirmation
such as: "I now deserve all good. I allow good
experiences to fill my life." Repeat the new
affirmation until it does become a new part of your
life."

10) "Finally, love yourself now -- don't wait until you
get it right. Dissatisfaction with yourself is a habit
pattern. If you can be satisfied with yourself now, if
you can love and approve of yourself now, then
when good comes into your life, you will be able to
enjoy it. Once you learn to love yourself, you can
begin to love and accept other people. We can't
change other people, so leave them alone."

Ron Evangelista said...

i donthave any idea aboutwho u r. but i appreciate ur comment. masahdo nga lang mahaba... but these lead to one word. RESPECT. i guess i didnt have this one when all the while i thought i had it.

gaiL said...

**hugz to you ron...

isang.kaibigan said...

Yes!!!! RESPECT God... RESPECT others... RESPECT yourself... have fun.

Anonymous said...

I hope you will see your God as a very loving and generous God. In spite of our sinfulness he continues to love us, without us lifting a finger.

Other than seeing yourself as a sinner, it is time to see yourself also as His most precious one. He gave you a lot of good things today and yesterdaysssss. Am sure he has a lot in store for you tomorrowsssss :) Count your blessings. Sana naman di mo siya nakikita na mapaghiganti, na dahil sa kasalanan natin eh iba na ang tingin niya sa atin. His fondest wish will be for us to be with Him. Di ba iyon din naman ang gusto mo? Then work on that.....or live on that.....

enjinx